Lady Luck Speaks

Desi dating and desires from the doctor of delight.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

10 Tips to Succeeding with Desi Females

Written with tongue-firmly-in-cheek with inspiration from other blogs. Just for you. Enjoy :D

10. If you meet a cute South Asian chick at a bar or club, don’t use the following words or related words; arranged marriage, curry, cricket, 'your culture', 'over-achieving', Punjabi suit and headscarf., Anything with Bollywood, turbans, what her family would think or the Karma Sutra. She might just throw her drink at you.

9. Don’t assume that they can’t speak English. They may be faking an accent to escape from the old, potbellied man in the corner who has traveled far and wide to “Indiaaah, during the war.”

8. No, I’m not Parminder Nagra or Konnie Huq.

7. Don’t ask them whether they’re submissive or dominant. (This has actually been asked to several friends of mine. No joke)

6. Going back to #10, most of us don’t know Punjabi fighting techniques, though we respect them. We don't all carry ceremonial swords, so don’t bust out some sort of weapon and assume that it will turn us on. Because it won’t.

5. If you do get further with a desi chick and attend a family function where you’re the only non-desi, have courtesy and try the food or at least put the food on your plate. Most of the family members are looking to see if you actually care about getting to know her culture. If you don’t like the cuisine, just smile, take over the conversation and possibly no one will notice.

4. Don’t assume that we are all professional submissives, masseuses or happy ending givers. Most of us are lawyers, students, doctors, dentists and academics, give or take a few writers and pharmacists. Okay, so that last one was slightly stereotypical but you get my drift?

3. Don’t assume that we only date brown guys. We like other guys too.

2. Don't assume that we're going to put out on the first dinner date. This applies to Scandinavian and German guys in particular.

1. Please don’t mention the words “Karma Sutra”, 'Princess Jasmine', 'Curry fever' or 'Asian flower' in front of us. Those words only serve to objectify.

How to Attract an Asian Female

Subcontinental women are widely-admired, be it for their conservative values, outspoken nature, hospitality, tanned skin, dark eyes, deep voices or sensuous curves. There are various reasons why you may have fallen for an MDF but snagging her is a completely different ball game.

A few tips which may help....

1. Don't act like an insensitive fool. For starters, the chick probably speaks better English than you. Guys often see a desi girl at a bar on Western soil, approach and find themselves talking slow and loudly like, “HI H-O-W’-S I-T G-O-I-N-G?” only to find out that the Asian girl that they’re into is actually very fluent in English. You may think that assuming that they can’t speak in English is an act made in good faith but it is actually very patronising.


2. Another common irk among Asian women is when guys assume that just because they’re of Asian roots, they’re already Indian or Pakistani. If you don’t want your date to get offended and leave you, you must first understand that their roots matter to them so saying that India and Sri Lanka is just the same does not only make you look uncultured, it’s also pretty insensitive.

3. Each culture has their own sets of “Dos and Don’ts' so if you really want to impress your MDF, do your research on what they do in her country of origin and not get things confused. Don't rush to display your newfound knowledge at every given opportunity. It sounds fetishistic and desparate.

4. Attracting Asian girls is really no rocket science, they’re pretty much like other girls, the only difference is that they’re of different descent and just like any other person, they would greatly appreciate it that you respect their traditions and views. As for physical tastes, it varies according to what the girl wants. As with all races, there are those who wants to stick with their own kind. It may seem unfair but just respect her decision and don’t take it as being racist, it’s just a matter of preference. Do remember 80% of Asians girls are open to dating you.

5. Generally, just be yourself around her and try to have good time but if all else still fails then it is time to move on. There’s no point in concentrating on someone who’s clearly not into you.

Introducing the Desis...

A desi is a native/diasporic-byproduct of parents from the Indian SubContinent. In Western Countries, non-Muslim desis are commonly found in the healthcare, engineering, financial and education industries.

As a desi female, I classify fellow desis into 'red sari' and 'white sari' groups, depending on the colour of sari they choose to get married in. 'White Sari' groups, such as Sinhalese, Keralans and Goans are traditionally more liberal (and open to dating outsiders) than their 'red sari' cohort. It's interesting to note they've historically mixed with foreigners far longer than their red sari-wearing contemporaries.

If the MDF of your desire is from the 'red sari' group, do not despair. Chances are, she and her family are professionals/middle-management and well-integrated into the society you both live in. They have most probably discussed dating and the like and are therefore open to the idea of their daughter finding happiness with a man who is not of desi origin.

Read on to find out how to attract desi girls...

Welcome...

So you've signed up for engineering, medicine or dentistry 101 and found yourself playing 'spot the white person'. Chances are the female talent on offer is of the yellow or brown persuasion and it's up to you to decide where you are on the female version of the graph. I'd like to hazard a guess and say you're in the open eighty percent; open to dating a brown female, that is? If not, then look a way, if so, then read on...

...So brown women. Mysterious species, patronized by their families, commonly seen as 'forbidden' due to Muslim influence pervading the European perception of South Asians. Restricted in their movements, forced to live double lives answering to family honour and Western Societal expectations. Victims of honour killings, forced marriages, saviours of the depraved, workaholic doctors, secret nymphomaniacs...the list of stereotypes is endless. What is important is that you realise the downtrodden characters from 'Brick Lane' and 'Born Confused' are a thing of the past. The Modern Desi Female (MDF) is a forced to be reckoned with.

Brought up in a conservative household in a Western country, the modern desi female is an enthralling hybrid of all things conflicting. Chances are she is a highly-educated, independent woman, exposed to liberal society and espousing some of it's socialist rhetoric. It's possible that she's a capitalist, voting for lower taxes and a free market. Desis like over-achieving and if it's a tax-break and charitable write-offs that get them there, so be it. Your MDF is likely to be living alone or with friends, having flown the nest at the earliest possible opportunity. It is possible she may choose to date MDMs but given exposure to higher education, it is likely she has seen the best that every race has to offer and belongs to the 80% of womenkind who are open to dating YOU.

Keep on reading for an introduction to desis and how to attract them.....

Back to Reality

Ladies and Gentleman,

It's great to be back. Yours truly has been coaxed out of retirement by former students hoping to see me back to my former glory.

The blogsphere has changed since 2008; bloggers are now integral to the media, providing content and opinion for the mainstream outlets instead of feeding from the sidelines. Blogs have led to fortunes, as per Belle de Jour and her TV series. A former blog feed I contributed to has been published as a book which takes pride of place on my mantelpiece.

As we know, there are plenty of opinionated folk out there, backsides intact. My opinion is irrelevant, so I won't be putting it out there unless asked.

Your opinions, on the other hand, are the ones that count. Whilst bloggers like Sapphire and African Girl answer queries for women mystified by the behaviour of Scandinavian, specifically Swedish males; the converse demand has arisen from men seeking information on the predilections and quirks of South Asian, brown-skinned desi females. I'd like to attend to this and write about the topics relevant to desi dating and beyond. Ask your questions and I will answer; your wish is my command.

Onwards and upwards,
The One and Only Lady Luck